понедельник, 20 декабря 2010 г.

Рождественские шутки

Christmas is a time when excitement is in the air and people are in the holiday mood. The festivities start many days prior to Christmas Eve and carry on till the end of the holidays after which people reluctantly get back to their daily work routine. Christmas carols, decorating the Christmas tree, buying gifts, making elaborate dishes are some of the customary things people do. Christmas parties and get-togethers are wonderful occasions to meet old friends, family, friends you haven’t kept in touch with and of course, make new acquaintances. These parties also give the opportunity to polish your social skills and nothing helps you break the ice better than a side-splitting joke. The magic of a joke is the instant rapport you are able to strike up with anyone. If you need a few new ones to spice up your collection, go through some of the selected Christmas jokes given below.
Short Jokes For Christmas
• You do know what would have happened if it had been three wise WOMEN instead of men, don't you? They would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought disposable diapers as gifts!
• The three stages of life:
1) You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus
3) You are Santa Claus
• Jack was coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!' Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.' Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?' He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.'
• After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. "That’s still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle. Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror.
• What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Kids have a ball during Christmas with their friends. They get to play lots of games and have fun outside but the winter chill also means that they have to spend time in the warm interiors. This makes Christmas holidays the perfect time to spend some quality time with your little ones whom you otherwise may not have been able to give adequate time to with your everyday work pressures. Of course, you may switch on the TV or put video games for them, but having a quality conversation with your kids bridges the age gap and forms stronger bonds. Cracking a few witty jokes and watching your kids laugh with glee is an incomparable feeling. Also, kids are always eager to share wisecracks amongst their friends and if you give them some stellar ones which help them rise in popularity in their peer group, you will become their hero. So go through these funny Christmas-special jokes for kids and give the Christmas atmosphere a humorous touch.
Christmas Jokes For Kids
• What do you call an old snowman?
Water!
• What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow!
• When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary!
• Why wasn’t the turkey hungry at Christmas time?
He was stuffed!
• What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Can you smell carrot?
• Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snow ball!
• What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells, jungle bells!
• What is Santa’s dog called?
Santa Paws!
• Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
• What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
Santa Pause!
• What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas?
He got 12 months!
• What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo.
• How does Santa take pictures?
With his North Pole-aroid.
From: http://www.worldofchristmas.net/

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